How to Work through Grandmother Jealousy

In Parenting, hopefully we have a village surrounding us with love and support. I was asked to speak about dueling grandmothers which I luckily did NOT have to navigate when Sofia and Ben were little. But I want to talk about it here for anyone who is working through this issue.

The Role of Grandmothers. In their role, grandmothers naturally have less time with their grandchildren unless they are living with them. Based on geographic proximity or other factors, one grandmother may have more access to the little ones. Compounding this may be the relationship grandma has with her child or with her in-law.  Children are sensitive to friction and can always tell how adults feel. Unfortunately, they don’t have the experience to actually name what is going on, so they tend to stay away from, shy away from the grandma who they sense has friction with one of their parents.

Practical Advice. Build a bridge with the parents. Find out what insights they may have about their child that you don’t have with the grandchild. Take the attention away from competition and focus on connection. No one wins the war between dueling grandmothers. 

Navigating Being a Child and a Parent…All at Once. First and foremost, you are on the side of your children. Pay attention to and find out specifically how this feels to the child and do your best to keep them out of the crossfire. This has very little to do with them and everything to do with the adults in their lives.